Gimme Dat Rose: The Bachelorette Recap // Season 12, Episode 9

Soooo I've gotten a little behind on my recaps... don't get me wrong... I've been watching and even taking notes for the recaps! But... you know... life.

So... this week we are back in the airport hanger... ironic considering we were left on a cliffHANGER (get it). JoJo wipes her tears and looks better after BAWLING than I do on a good day... cool.

She sends Luke home and everyone is left scratching their heads... but he made you a couch out of bails of hay JoJo! Does that mean NOTHING to you!? JoJo forcing him to sit and watch her cry is maybe the most awkward thing thus far this season. Don't you remember JoJo... you're the one that did the dumping? Luke saying "You didn't want me anymore" broke my heart. Poor little country boy.

As "heartbroken" as JoJo was saying goodbye to Luke, she sure as hell seemed right as rain the next day. And in the words of the Foo Fighters "Done, done, on to the next one".

The group is now in Hua Hin, Thailand and I squeal with delight because I can't wait for our Bachelors and Bachelorette to try to pronounce it but they never even TRY! Sad face.

Robby's Date

Robby kind of gets the short end of the stick because their date is walking this like open air market that reminds me of where Aladdin stole bread, but thats besides the point. Not only does he get this less than romantic date, it literally starts POURING. They stop to get a Thai pedicure and strangely enough, this isn't the first time we've seen Robby get a pedicure this season.  

When Robby arrives for their dinner date his style says "I don't actually own a yacht, but I wish I did". Also, did anyone notice how strangely dilated his pupils were? What kind of crazy drugs is this guy on? He pulls out a note from his dad and I think it's supposed to be sweet but Danica and I were sitting on the couch rolling our eyes. He of course gets offered the fantasy suite card and accepts. JoJo says off camera "I know I love Robby" wait... what? You do? NEWS TO US! She seems more than excited to "be intimate"  (her words, not mine, gross). We get the standard breakfast in bed shot the next morning and then the obligatory walk of shame after. 

Jordan's Date

Jordan arrives on a boat and his date already looks better than Robby's. JoJo's crop top is a bit much for me but since I love her so much it, imma let it slide. They go on a pretty intense hike and I start thinking ehh maybe Robby's date in the Aladdin market wasn't so bad. JoJo is on the hunt for this temple and she mentions it at ever turn. Eventually the find it and apparently you cant show you shoulders there so she puts a shirt on over her barely there macrame crop top oh and you also can't kiss... so they continue to get as close as you possibly can without kissing. Blah blah blah, they have dinner, he gets a fantasy suite card, they end up having breakfast in bed. 

Chase's Date

Chase arrives on a scooter and it's started to seem like the producers did everything in their power to make sure all the guys had a different entrance. I'm not quite sure where they are but one of the first things JoJo says is "It smells like fish" mmmm romantic! Chase actually seems more fun and silly that ever and I actually kind of start to think he's less of a dud. Somehow in between their day date and their dinner Robby visits JoJo in her room. Now, of course, he could have totally visited on a different day and it was just edited to look like the same day, we'll never really know, but, JoJo seems WAY different at dinner, like she is totally over Chase. She even says off camera "I love Jordan. I love Robby" but is clearly unsure of Chase. Danica and I are cringing trying to figure out how she's going to break it to him. Is she not going to offer him the fantasy suite card? Is she going to give it to him and then after he accepts will she reject? WAIT... WHAT THE DAMN HELL... SHE GAVE IT TO HIM AND THEY'RE GOING! They creep through the sliding back door of the room which is awkward in and of itself and then, after Chase pours his heart out to JoJo and tells her he loves her she "needs a minute", goes outside, composes herself, then comes back and essentially dumps him. Chase is upset, with good reason. Generally when you tell someone you love them, its not the most ideal time for them to also dump you. Like she did with Luke, JoJo starts to play the victim again and I'm kind of getting tired of the tears. I get it, this whole thing is hard but, it's like she doesn't even think that THEY are hurting too. Come on JoJo, get it together. Chase immediately steals my heart upon his exit, with a BEER IN HAND he gets into his transport and says "is this my fantasy suite". YAS Chase, YAS. 

Rose Ceremony

Jordan and Robby show up for the rose ceremony and it's like The Battle of the Bulge, literally, how tight are these pants?! JoJo begins to to explain to the other guys how she let Chase go and before she even finishes the sentence, Chase walks in and asks to speak with her. DUN DUN DUUUUN. I'm full on expecting a To Be Continued but its not! He explains how he's not asking for a second change but rather making amends and apologizing that his initial reaction was anger. This move, of course, is to save face and keep the window open for potentially being the next Bachelor. 

Jordan and Robby get their roses and now all that's left is one. final. rose.   

Gimme Dat Rose: The Bachelorette Recap // Season 12, Episode 6

We begin the episode in Buenos Aires at the Plaza Hotel and all I can think about is Home Alone 2. JoJo is on some random park bench and Chris Harrison shows up for a heart to heart. She uses his name so many times it starts making me uncomfortable. We find out that this week will be a group date, a one on one date and for the first time in Bachelorette HISTORY, a second two on one date! I've gotta say, I'm a bit bummed we don't get the old Bachelor nation adage "Two guys, one rose, one stays one goes". I live for that stuff ABC!

One on One

Wells gets this weeks one on one and the card essentially has some sixpence none the richer lyrics on it and says "kiss me". He admits he's the only guy there that hasn't kissed her to the guys and it gets super awkward. And then they go on their date and it gets even more awkward. Then they go to this performance art place and it proceeds to get, you guessed it, even more awkward. They finally end up kissing in this pool of sorts that seems more like a womb than anything. As always, JoJo brings up past relationships at dinner. The two clearly aren't clicking and JoJo doesn't give him a rose. 

Group Date

Luke, Robby, Jordan, James (we don't have to call him James Taylor anymore! There is only one left!) and Alex are all chosen for the group date which means Derek and Chase will have the fateful two on one date. On the group date they kind of do touristy stuff around the city and then play a game of soccer with some locals. Poor James is spending the whole day being so down on himself the whole day saying how all the other guys are better looking than him, more athletic than him and I mean, it's all true, but it's sad to hear him admit it. They decide to play a game of whoever can score a goal gets to kiss JoJo and James of all people wins! I cheered a little, not gunna lie. What is it about rooting for the underdog, oh, and he's on my fantasy team so that probably doesn't hurt. 

At the cocktail hour after the date James totally calls out Jordan over what seems to be a disagreement on the rules of poker? Seems a bit unnecessary James...

It was at the cocktail hour that I realized Luke says "like" a LOT. Watch for it, and you will forever hate that I pointed it out. JoJo of course goes right to Jordan to confront him about what James said about him and he defends himself, big surprise. There is clearly tension between the two now. Luke ends up with the group date rose. 

One on One

The two on one date is an awkward two on one tango that perfectly depicts exactly what is happening on the date. Derek is crazy confident while their dancing despite his lake of skill. Because I know how the show works, Derek being confident is foreshadowing his impending doom. The awkward dance leads to an awkward dinner, and lets cut to the chase, Derek gets sent home. Even though yes I was made to think he would be, Chase was a mega dud too, she coulda just sent them both him in my opinion. BYE. (Derek was on my fantasy team tho, sad face). Derek is in the car doing his exit interview crying while JoJo and Chase are literally watching a performance of Don't Cry for me Argentina or some shit and I'm dying laughing. 

Rose Ceremony

The numbers are dwindling rapidly at this point, I feel like hometowns are just around the corner. As always, one of the guys says that "the hay is in the barn" and I don't know how many more times I can hear one of them say that. During the rose ceremony JoJo steps away and tells Chris Harrison she can't hand out the final rose and just when you think she is sending both Alex and James home, Chris comes back with a tray with two roses on it. OH SHIT! NO ONE IS GOING HOME! Stop trying to trick me ABC. James's smile after that rose ceremony though was pretty cute. 

Gimme Dat Rose: The Bachelorette Recap // Season 12, Episode 5

We start the episode to all of the guys cheers-ing to the fact that Chad is gone and all of a sudden I'm having Wizard of Oz flashbacks "ding dong, the witch is dead...". We are almost there because apparently James Taylor even wrote a song about it. Wells starts to speak and I joke that it's like they are having a funeral for Chad and then... oh... wait... this is a funeral for Chad using his protein "ashes". I'd like to give a slow clap to whoever came up with that.

But what's that... a knock at the door? Oh, it's Chad, no one saw that coming. Of course his boyfriend Daniel answers and starts chatting to him (while eating a bowl of cereal I'm pretty sure) like NOTHING HAPPENED. I'm not sure if Daniel is trying to play it cool or if he is just that dumb and really has no idea what happened or what a two-on-one date is because... you know... math. Jordan decides to be the bigger man and apologize if there had been any unnecessary beef between them and gave Chad the perfect opportunity to just make amends and leave things on a better note. Does it take the opportunity? Of course not. Evan... relax about the fricken shirt dude. If you are that hard up for a t-shirt maybe you should be back at your penis job instead of on some reality show. (Also, if you haven't seen this Go Fund Me page for Evans shirt, it's hilarious.)

Alex gets the warmest welcome I have ever seen after a two-on-one date. The other guys start chanting "Dragon Slayer". They even got a cake and sparklers!? But like... what if it was Chad that came back?

Cocktail Party

JoJo's cocktail party attire... YAS QUEEN. Chase finally shows a little personality when he has JoJo get into these inflatable balls and, I don't know, compete? She hits him and he falls to the ground and I laughed and rewound and watched again. 

Stiffler (Robby) gets his wishing well wish and snags a kiss. James F reads JoJo a poem and I can tell in that moment that his fate has been sealed. Sayonara James. 

Now that Chad is gone we are starting to see that without a common enemy, a lot of the guys are dicks. Alex (who already had a rose) stole JoJo from James. Luke (who already had a rose) stole JoJo from Daniel. The claws are coming out. Luke jumps the gun a bit by telling JoJo he is falling for her. Pump the breaks bro. Jordan and JoJo have their standard make out sesh. 

Rose Ceremony

We hear our first "chopping block" this rose ceremony and I squeal with delight. Hell freezes over and Evan of all people gets the final rose. EVAN you guys. EVAN! JoJo sends Daniel and poet James F. home. Daniel says "well she must be looking for personality because my personality is shit". Spoken like a true male model. 

JoJo tells the guys they are headed somewhere exotic and romantic... Punta Del Este, Uruguay. 

One on One

The first date card arrives and it's for Jordan and everyone. is. pissed. Now without Chad to hate, it's pretty obvious to start hating the guy that could actually win this whole thing. Wells makes an interested comment in his interview saying that Jordan is "just playing the game to get another stamp in his passport" which, truth be told, isn't the worst way to travel. I stayed in a hostel once. I'd rather travel the Bachelor way. The guys mention that the reason Jordan is doing so well is that his first two dates were football dates which, I don't know how, I hadn't really thought about. 

Back at the hotel Vinny has opened up his own barbershop, gossip magazines and all. The guys start to read some article written about JoJo and for whatever reason they all seem to take it as cold hard facts and I am baffled. Do they not know how gossip magazines work?

Jordan tells JoJo that he's falling in love with her and JoJo pulls an ace out of her sleeve and lets him know she met a girl that used to date him and calls him out. When asked "was their cheating" Jordan quickly responds "no". Ehhh... I'm not buying it. Jordan of course snags a rose. As the producers are having JoJo gush about her date and say "I am so happy, I don't think anything could take away this feeling" and then they immediately hand her the gossip magazine where her ex boyfriend (who we all remember from last season, he sent her flowers before her hometown date with Ben... also named Chad of course) slams her to the media. She of course starts crying and I don't know if its because the emotions aren't real or the filler/botox isn't allowing her to cry properly but I'm not really buying it. She decides to address the guys about it and even though they were all SO concerned initially, they are all 100% fine now because, well JoJo cried about it. 

Group Date

So, I don't know if it was supposed to be as funny as I found it to be but, when it showed Jordan and Robby having a spa day while the rest of the guys were on the group date, I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard. 

We see JoJo at the sand dunes looking like tomb raider. Apparently the date is sand dune surfing, sounds... miserable. Evan has his first funny moment yet saying how when he saw what they'd be doing he thought "I'm getting another bloody nose today". Derek starts to feel insecure and it also becomes apparent that Alex hates Derek. Derek's insecurities snag him the group date rose. 

One on One

Robby gets a one on one and when the date card arrives he does his ever popular McConaughey "alright alright alright". Their date gets them into bathing suits and they both are just too perfect for words. They jump off some random cliff that, quite honestly, doesn't look like its meant for jumping off of. Once at the bottom I SWEAR i saw blood all over the rocks at the bottom. I'm telling you this is some sort of like suicide point. Robby has a male model moment and tells JoJo "I'm here for one reason, to find love, and for you". Thats two reasons Robby. One. Two. That's how that works. We find out he had a friend who was going to propose to his girlfriend die in a tragic texting and driving accident and for that reason he lives in the moment and tells JoJo he's falling in love with her. That story is enough to get himself a rose. 

Cocktail Party

Derek starts the night off by pulling Robby, Chase, Alex and Jordan aside to tell them they are like a high school clique which they, of course, do not take well. It is then that we find out there will be no cocktail party, only a rose ceremony and that three guys will be going home. Wells ends up getting the final rose and we see Evan (finally), Grant and Vinny all go home. 

Gimme Dat Rose: The Bachelorette Recap // Season 12, Episode 4

We start the episode and the Chad saga continues... We again see Chris Harrison drawing the line when it comes to violence in the house and we are left to wait and see what Chad's next move will be. He enters the house and like a kid who was told to apologize, he explains what Chris "wants him to say". He actually remains really calm. Like a little whiny baby Evan interjects "Chad, you owe me a new shirt and an apology". Chad offers to give him $20 which, tbh I think is a stretch for that Mossimo v-neck.

Pool (Cocktail) Party 

Somehow Chad manages to be the one to greet JoJo at the door which I assumed would cause a major stir but somehow it didn't. There are mic necklaces EVERYWHERE and I'm LOVING it. James F., in an attempt to be funny comes out in a suit and cannonballs into the pool. Is it actually funny? That's debatable. The guys do an adorable synchronized swimming dive wave and in true Evan fashion, he ends up with a nosebleed. ABC of course made it look, in the previews like the nosebleed was from a Chad altercation but no. Synchronized swimming. Jordan and JoJo have some alone time and the two of them seem like they are already a real couple, constantly caressing and JoJo always finds a way to like intertwine herself with him. During Chad's one on one time Evan walks over to steal JoJo away, this kid really is clueless. Chad confronts Derek about their beef. Apparently Derek doesn't feel safe around Chad but when you look at them side by side, they are basically the same size. I'm confused. Chad disses on Derek for watching the Bachelor and somehow they seem to somewhat resolve their issues.

Rose Ceremony

JoJo shows up in a midriff showing gown and I'm not even mad about it. WHY IS SHE SO PERFECT?! Every guy in their side interview are, of course, saying that Chad better not get a rose. He of course gets the final rose and in that moment Alex makes it his mission to not see Chad get another. Sadly Christian, Nick and the beloved Ali are sent home. JoJo excitedly tells the guys to pack their bags because they are leaving the mansion for good but she keeps the location a secret. Where can it be? Europe? The British Virgin Islands?

Namacolin, Pennsylvania 

I'm sorry... WHAT?! The destination is PENNSYLVANIA?! No... just... no. The guys are staying at the Namacolin Woodland Resort. Wanna know how I know? Because they spent a good five minutes of the show like a commercial for the damn place. 

One on One

Luke snags the one on one this week. Their date starts with them mushing through what appears to be a city party. Is that normal? I also notice that it appears JoJo got some leather jackets in her welcome bag as well, she wears two different ones on this date alone. In true Bachelor fashion, there is a hot tub in the middle of nowhere for our couple to disrobe and get into. JoJo was cute as ever when she went to get in and the hot tub was way too hot. Like any lady would, she said "Oh fu*k that's hot! That's SO hot!" and I just love her more. The more I look at Luke, the more he kind of looks like a villain, but the more he talks, the more he seems like a total softy. I can't help but notice though, is it me or do his top teeth seem fake? I dunno... Luke tells JoJo about his football career at Westpoint, his tour in Afghanistan and his friend who was like a "brother to him" being killed in action. He is pulling out all the stops. He of course is awarded with a rose and a private Dan and Shay concert where they awkwardly dance on the stage while a room full of Bachelor fans loose their minds. 

Group Date 

It is made clear there will be a two-on-one date this week which is always a crowd pleaser. Alex says in an interview "I don't want to be on the two on one. The only thing that would make a two on one worse would be a two on one with Chad." So, it's obvious that is what will happen. When the group date card arrives, of course Alex and Chad's names aren't on it. The group date guys are welcomed by Ben Roethlisberger, Brett Keisel and Hines Ward. I'll be honest, I have no idea who these guys are because... football. It's adorable that they all say their wives are fans of the show. JoJo excitedly says "It's not every day my guys get to hang out with pro football legends". Well, Jordan actually might. The date ends up being a football game in which the winning team gets estra time with JoJo. Evan of course struggles during this date because... football. He tries to play off the fact that he gets yet ANOTHER bloody nose on the date. Every time it shows up I just can't help but think he looks like a high school girl wearing her football boyfriends uniform for homecoming. In another trick by ABC, we see James Taylor get elbowed in the face by James S. and there is blood everywhere. The previews of course made it look like there had been a fight. No. Just elbow, face interaction. Every time it shows Evan. The blue team wins the white team heads back to the Nemacolin Woodland Resort. Robby/Stiffler gets the most amount of screen time we have seen yet which includes JoJo essentially promising him a one-on-one date and a pool table makeout sesh. Teachers pet Jordan gets the group date rose. 

Two on One

"Two guys, one rose. One stays. One goes". A rhyme I will likely tell my future children one day. ABC mixed it up this time though with a new little riddle for us. Before the date the tension is palpable between Alex (and basically all the guys in the house actually) and Chad. Chad makes a BOLD move and calls out Jordan "This ends. And when this ends, you think I can't find you? You think I won't go out of my way to go to your house?" Whoa bro... whoa. As Alex is getting ready he literally is dressing like he's going to war with cargo pants, some patriotic socks and literally milliatry boots. I just want to start chanting "U-S-A! U-S-A!". On the date Alex of course spends his one on one time talking about Chad and JoJo of course immediately brings it up to Chad. He is pretty honest and doesn't deny the things Alex told her. Chad sneaks a threat in to Alex when he returns and JoJo finally decides enough is enough and sends Chad home. Similar to me at my engagement Chad says "Am I getting pranked right now?". Back at the house, his luggage is taken and the guys proceed to party like its 1999. For real though, where did they even get those party poppers? The best Chad line of all was him saying to the camera "Alex lied, he told her that I threaten people. Now I gotta go find Alex". Literally in the same breath as saying he doesn't threaten people... he THREATENS people. Oh Chad. He then starts to wonder through the dark forest whistling like some creepy campfire ghost story and he shows up back at the Nemacolin Woodland Resort. The guys all loose their shit of course and the "to be continued..." appears and we all loose our shit. To add insult to injury... the next episode isn't for TWO WEEKS.... WHAT?! And if that's not bad enough... I had just made some Bachelorette stickers for my planner and had already put on on next Monday! #whitegirlproblems

Bachelor Finale: Ben

It's no secret... I'm a proud member of #BachelorNation. So much so, in fact, that last season I decided to form a Bachelor/Bachelorette Fantasy League for my friends and I. Thanks, in large part to Bach Fantasy, figuring out stats and scores was actually somewhat easy.

If you haven't gathered by now, I live to create and will use any excuse to throw a party. So, Bachelor/Bachelorette viewing parties along with custom decor, is a must. Since last year was the first year of our league, we still had some kinks to work out but the board I made was still pretty awesome.

Having two potential bachelorettes (Britt and Kaitlyn) and a contestant that joined well into the season (Nick) created some hiccups but all in all, it was a lot of fun. 

This seasons board blew the last one out of the water though.

I mean... look at that Bachelor logo! Complete with the wedding ring detail!

It was SO awesome, in fact, that Bachelor contestants themselves liked and commented on the photo!

This season, I also figured we should step up our game, so I ordered trophies, one for both the winner of the season, as well as the loser. 

This season we did both a Premier Party, as well as a Finale Party, which of course, required custom decor. 

"Will You Accept This Rose" Banner

 Custom Ben and rose cupcake toppers

 For the finale, JoJo and Lauren toppers were a must. 

 Everything looked so cute all together!

 Custom toppers on cupcakes.

 I even threw some in the strawberry shortcake cups.

Had to rep my girl JoJo.

 And when all was said and done... I won the league this season!

Next season, I hope to create a box for anyone else out there who wants to have a Bachelor/Bachelorette viewing party of their own!