Monday, May 22, 2017

Bachelorette Season 13: Rachel Lindsay // Meet the Men!

The time has come my friends... for an all new season of The Bachelorette!
It's no secret that I am a proud member of Bachelor Nation. This weekend we had our Bachelorette Fantasy Draft (yes, that's  a thing). Abc released the contestant bios SO LATE this season that we really didn't have ample time to study up before it was time to draft. I figured I'd go through and give my two cents on what I think of this season's crop of dudes before the season begins, complete with my overall score (out of 10).  Let's dive into the sea of men, shall we??
Age: 27
Occupation: Real Estate Agent
Choice line from bio: The most romantic present he ever received was a threesome for his birthday. No... just... no. 
Overall Score: 6
Age: 28
Occupation: Information Systems Supervisor... whatever that means.
Choice line from bio: Man there are a few to chose from... His 3 worst attributes are that he is "selfish, unemotional and unapologetic" wow... what a great combo. Also... he ate a live salamander and cant come up with 3 favorite groups/artists because AND I QUOTE "Music isn't a big part of my life". WHAT?!
Overall Score: 6
Age: 26
Occupation: Education Software Manager
Choice line from bio: If he was stranded on a desert island it would be made of "probably those flesh-eating plants from Life of Pi." What?? The standard answer is something like "rocky road ice cream".
Overall Score: 7
Age: 31
Occupation: Aspiring Drummer. Blake, you're 31, you're not "aspiring", you're "unemployed". 
Choice line from bio: The closest he ever came to being married was being engaged for 48 hours, I MUST know more about this. 
Overall Score: 4
Age: 29
 Occupation: U.S. Marine Veteran
Choice line from bio: If he was stranded on a desert island it would be made of Chipotle because, as he says "Chipotle is my life". SAME.
Overall Score: 7
Age: 29
Occupation: Male Model (I always think it's funny that they add "Male"... couldn't they just say "Model"?)
Choice line from bio: The most romantic present he ever received is "Lululemon sweatpants. She knew the way to my heart is cuddling on the couch in well-made, high quality sweats." SAME
Overall Score: 7
Age: 37
Occupation: Chiropractor 
Choice line from bio: The most embarrassing style he's ever rocked "JNCO Jeans!!! Sooooo baggy lol. Skate or Die, man!! I looked ridiculous!" I like a guy who can poke fun of himself. 
Overall Score: 8
Age: 30
Occupation: Firefighter
Choice line from bio: There are lots to choose from with this one but I'm going to go with him saying his dream job would be to be a "Professional Instagrammer". Sorry, no.
Overall Score: 4
Age: 26
Occupation: Startup Recruiter
Choice line from bio: He has "righteous" tattooed on his inner lip. That's gunna be a no from me. 
Overall Score: 8
Age: 30
Occupation: Executive Recruiter
Choice line from bio: When asked if he prefers to be the center of attention or being more mysterious his response was "I won't like, I love attention... not like '07 B. Spears attention or 2011 Sheen. Natural attention like when Justin and Brit wore those incredible denim outfits." Pop culture references are my JAM. Also, he managed to use Britney as a reference point for BOTH SIDES. You win DeMario... you win. 
Overall Score: 6
Age:31
 Occupation: Senior Inventory Analyst (this sounds like it's a fancy way of saying he plays video games before they are released or something.)
Choice line from bio: His most embarrassing moment was "When I was stranded on a toilet for hours in 5th grade". Diggy... you know you can get off the toilet, right?
Overall Score: 8
Age:29
Occupation: Personal Trainer (we all know they had to have at least one)
Choice line from bio: His favorite soft drink/juice is "green drink". Boy bye. 
Overall Score: 2
Age: 27
Occupation: Executive Assistant
Choice line from bio: His biggest fear date is having his card declined and he loves it when his date pays for the meal... Am I sensing this guy has no money?
Overall Score: 2
Age: 29
Occupation: Emergency Medicine Physician
Choice line from bio: His favorite song is "Ice Ice Baby" because he used to sing it at Bar Mitzvahs on stage. PROVE IT. 
Overall Score: 4
Age: 30
Occupation: Consulting Firm CEO
Choice line from bio: He listed his 3 best attributes (Passionate, loyal and witty) as his 3 worst attributes. 
Overall Score:3
Age: 32
Occupation: Attorney
Choice line from bio: His favorite thing go do in his hometown is "Work out, take my dogs on walks, try new restaurants and food". SAME. Well, mostly just the food part. 
Overall Score: 7
Age: 32
Occupation: Sales Account Executive
Choice line from bio: It's a tie. When asked where he sees himself in 5 years he said "I am trying not to make plans in life" and when asked to describe his best friend of the opposite sex he said "I do not have female friends". Wow. 
Overall Score: 5
Age: 35
Occupation: ER Physician
Choice line from bio: When asked if he had any pets, "Not currently. All former dogs were over 1/2 wolf." Um what? And... why?
Overall Score: 5
Age: 31
 Occupation: Tickle Monster. NOPE.
Choice line from bio: His three favorite groups/artists are Elvis Presley, Britney Spears and Flo Rida. Uuuuuuum....
Overall Score: 3
Age: 28
Occupation: Prosecuting Attorney
Choice line from bio: His worst date memory is being catfished. He says the girl arrived on the date PREGNANT!
Overall Score: 6
Age: 35
Occupation: Professional Wrestler
Choice line from bio: The most romantic present he has ever given is a "Different Edible Arrangement every day for a birthday week". That is way too much fruit for one person. 
Overall Score: 4
Age: 26
Occupation: Marketing Consultant
Choice line from bio: "Having a bunch of people over and firing up the grill is my jam." I feel you Kyle, I feel you. 
Overall Score: 7
Age: 30
Occupation: Singer/Songwriter
Choice line from bio: "I'm more of a "dive bar" type person". Yaaaaas.
Overall Score: 7
Age: 30
Occupation: Whaboom (Sorry, no.)
Choice line from bio: This guy seems like a wacko... there is a lot to choose from. I'll go with his response to "Do you have any pets"... "Had a dog and cat growing up. Now an ant farm, fish and I'm an uncle to a cat." 
Overall Score: 1
Age: 32
Occupation: Construction Sales Rep
Choice line from bio: If he could watch any movie right now it would be Wedding Crashers. Danica and I quote that movie almost every day. 
Overall Score: 8
Age: 26
Occupation: Former Professional Basketball Player
Choice line from bio: When asked "Do you like being the center of attention or do you prefer being more mysterious and why", he responded with "Definitely no the center of attention because there is always a reason why people need attention." I swear I have said those exact words. 
Overall Score: 4
Age: 31
Occupation: Hotel Recreation Supervisor... does that mean hotel lifeguard?
Choice line from bio: What he hopes to get out of participating on this show is DISCOVERED. Not a wife... he wants to get DISCOVERED... that's never good.
Overall Score: 4
Age: 26
Occupation: Product Manager
Choice line from bio: The wildest thing he ever did in the bedroom involved Tabasco. Yikes. 
Overall Score: 2
Age: 31
Occupation: Business Owner
Choice line from bio: His ideal mate is intelligent, kind, hard-working, motherly, mature, sophisticated and drive. He actually seems to be looking for grown up things, unlike some of these clowns. 
Overall Score: 10 (He was my round one draft pick)
Age: 30
Occupation: Law Student
Choice line from bio: If he could be any superhero he would be "Superman! He's got the coolest superpowers and is also a U.S. alien, like me!" Superman is an ACTUAL alien though, he's from Krypton, HELLO. (I only know this from watching Smallville... remember Smallville??)
Overall Score: 4
Age: 28
Occupation: Sales Manager
Choice line from bio: If he could be anyone for just one day he'd be "Will Smith because he's the Fresh Prince". Interesting tidbit about me, Will Smith was one of my firs celebrity crushes, I had his Men in Black poster hanging over my bed. 
Overall Score: 4

And that rounds out the 31 men vying for Rachel's heart (and the D list celebrity fame that goes along with it). I am basically obsessed with Rachel and can't wait to get to spend at least two hours of my week with her every Monday night. 

Here are the 6 guys that I will be actively rooting for to get me the most points for my fantasy league...
*All photos from Abc*

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