All Dogs Go to Heaven

Nine years ago my heart was stolen by a blue eyed boy.
He had freckles, was affectionate and showed me a love I had never known before.
He changed my life forever.

I guess I should also mention he was a chocolate dapple miniature dachshund.

A week ago today, the man that I spent the better part of a decade loving took his last breath. Beamer Dean, Beams, Beamie, or Weasel, as I so affectionately called him, was my sidekick. Wherever I would go, he would go. He was attached to me and I to him. I used to always joke that I needed to get one of those baby wrap carriers because all he ever wanted was to be in my arms.

About a year and a half ago my little man lost his sight. It was hard on us both but it didn't get him down. Shortly after that, he was diagnosed with Cushing's Disease which is an overproduction of cortisol, requiring lifelong testing and medication. Having just gone through the long, hard and ultimately fatal journal of IMHA (Immune-Mediated Hemolytic Anemia) with my other pooch, I was devastated by the news. There really isn't much worse than having a sick pet. They don't know what is going on and can't tell you how they feel. The quality of Beamers life had taken a drastic turn after the Cushings. He continually gained weight and didn't enjoy walks or playing like he used to. I find comfort in knowing that he is free of his ailments and no longer trapped in a body that was essentially shutting down and working against him.

I have so many wonderful memories with this little guy. He was my first pet that was all my own and I really did love him like a child. There is an emptiness in our home that I'm not sure will ever go away, but I remind myself of all of the treasured moments that we shared. Like the first time I ever saw him and he flashed those baby blues at me. Or the first night I brought him home, where he fell asleep in my arms. Or the first (and only haha) time I took him in the pool.  Teaching him to "dance" and "speak" and once he learned that doing so got him treats, he'd put on his own little song and dance shows for us! The attention he would get whenever I would take him out... cars would literally stop and pull over to look at him when I took him on walks. He was special... and boy he knew it. And the list goes on and on. That little guy brought me more happiness than I ever could have thought possible. He turned me into a crazy wiener dog lady who is now obsessed with all things wiener dog! There is a hole in my heart that I'm not sure will ever fully mend but loving him was one of the most special things I've ever had the privilege of doing.

Nine Years.
My longest relationship.
And my greatest heartbreak.

I consider myself lucky to have been his.

And now, for the last, and final time... "Bye bye Beamie... Mommy loves you"

New Year... New Last Name!

It's 2015!

So much has happened this year! Now, I'm not the type that subscribes to the idea that a new year has to mean "new beginnings" or a "new you". I think new beginnings can happen whenever you want them to! But... it is still nice to reflect on all that has happened over the lat 365 days.

The year started with my fiancé (now husband) moving in the first of the year. He joined me and my roommate Stefana for a very "Three's Company"-esque living situation. It was a good way for all of us to save a little money (splitting bill three ways is a lot better than splitting them two ways). And it was a good way to make sure Sam and I could stand living with each other. Haha.

Also in January I noticed my dog acting funny. He had been putting on a lot of weight quickly and just seemed lethargic. I took him to the vet and they didn't seem to be too concerned. Then, one morning a couple weeks later I went to give him his usual "bye bye treat" that I give to him when I go to work and it was like he couldn't see the treat right in front of his face, he just sniffed around for it. Something was definitely wrong. I took him back into the vet and they confirmed what I had suspected. He was blind. Not just a little blind, completely blind. Basically overnight. The research that I did all pointed to SARDS (Sudden Acquired Retinal Degeneration). Beamer fell right into most of the categories of the classic SARDS cases. We took him to a specialist and they told me there was really nothing I can do. The truth is that I took him going blind a lot harder than he did. He's a resilient little guy and it really didn't' seem to affect him too much. After noticing a few other changes in his behavior we decided to also get him tested for Cushing's Disease which shares a lot of the same characteristics of SARDS. Turns out, he also has Cushing's Disease which is an increase in cortisone due to a benign tumor in the pituitary gland and has to be on lifelong medication to combat it. Along with the medication, he has to have constant testing and monitoring of his levels to make sure he is being properly medicated so, that has been a struggle but it has become our "normal".

I turned another (undisclosed) year old and had a little shin-dig to celebrate, complete with a DIY photobooth of course. 

 I also spent the weekend at the Riot LA comedy festival with some girl friends for my birthday. 

In February my mom and I had our first ever girls trip and we went up to Seattle for a cousins wedding. It was such a fun weekend. 

In March Sam and I relived our youth and saw The Used along with Taking Back Sunday at the Palladium. 

 I also found my wedding dress :)

In April we celebrated Sams birthday by spending a weekend in a cabin in Idyllwild (where we also took our engagement photos). 

We also spent another year at Stagecoach (and his mom and her best friend joined us!)

I attended the wedding of one of my oldest friends, Andy. 

 Watched my little cousin graduate high school and helped her move into her college dorm!

My mom and I had another mother daughter trip, this time to Denver for my aunts wedding!

Had a wonderful bachelorette party. 

Attended yet another wedding (thats four if you're keeping track) for our friends Ashley and Andrew. 

My wonderful Mother in Law threw me the most perfect bridal shower. 

Followed by an equally perfect shower thrown by my best friend and maid of honor Danica. 

And in the midst of wedding planning, Danica and I also planned our 10 year high school reunion. I know what you're thinking, we aren't nearly old enough to have graduated high school ten years ago, and you would be right ;) (Or so I'd like to think.)

And then... the event of the year (at least for me)... I got married!

And then I finished the year by celebrating the holidays with the ones I care about most. 

All in all it was a wonderful year, full of crazy highs and some lows but I feel that it's the lows that really make you appreciate the highs. Looking forward to a new year with a new last name and a husband! :)