Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Gimme Dat Rose: The Bachelorette Recap // Season 12, Episode 9

Soooo I've gotten a little behind on my recaps... don't get me wrong... I've been watching and even taking notes for the recaps! But... you know... life.

So... this week we are back in the airport hanger... ironic considering we were left on a cliffHANGER (get it). JoJo wipes her tears and looks better after BAWLING than I do on a good day... cool.

She sends Luke home and everyone is left scratching their heads... but he made you a couch out of bails of hay JoJo! Does that mean NOTHING to you!? JoJo forcing him to sit and watch her cry is maybe the most awkward thing thus far this season. Don't you remember JoJo... you're the one that did the dumping? Luke saying "You didn't want me anymore" broke my heart. Poor little country boy.

As "heartbroken" as JoJo was saying goodbye to Luke, she sure as hell seemed right as rain the next day. And in the words of the Foo Fighters "Done, done, on to the next one".

The group is now in Hua Hin, Thailand and I squeal with delight because I can't wait for our Bachelors and Bachelorette to try to pronounce it but they never even TRY! Sad face.

Robby's Date

Robby kind of gets the short end of the stick because their date is walking this like open air market that reminds me of where Aladdin stole bread, but thats besides the point. Not only does he get this less than romantic date, it literally starts POURING. They stop to get a Thai pedicure and strangely enough, this isn't the first time we've seen Robby get a pedicure this season.  

When Robby arrives for their dinner date his style says "I don't actually own a yacht, but I wish I did". Also, did anyone notice how strangely dilated his pupils were? What kind of crazy drugs is this guy on? He pulls out a note from his dad and I think it's supposed to be sweet but Danica and I were sitting on the couch rolling our eyes. He of course gets offered the fantasy suite card and accepts. JoJo says off camera "I know I love Robby" wait... what? You do? NEWS TO US! She seems more than excited to "be intimate"  (her words, not mine, gross). We get the standard breakfast in bed shot the next morning and then the obligatory walk of shame after. 

Jordan's Date

Jordan arrives on a boat and his date already looks better than Robby's. JoJo's crop top is a bit much for me but since I love her so much it, imma let it slide. They go on a pretty intense hike and I start thinking ehh maybe Robby's date in the Aladdin market wasn't so bad. JoJo is on the hunt for this temple and she mentions it at ever turn. Eventually the find it and apparently you cant show you shoulders there so she puts a shirt on over her barely there macrame crop top oh and you also can't kiss... so they continue to get as close as you possibly can without kissing. Blah blah blah, they have dinner, he gets a fantasy suite card, they end up having breakfast in bed. 

Chase's Date

Chase arrives on a scooter and it's started to seem like the producers did everything in their power to make sure all the guys had a different entrance. I'm not quite sure where they are but one of the first things JoJo says is "It smells like fish" mmmm romantic! Chase actually seems more fun and silly that ever and I actually kind of start to think he's less of a dud. Somehow in between their day date and their dinner Robby visits JoJo in her room. Now, of course, he could have totally visited on a different day and it was just edited to look like the same day, we'll never really know, but, JoJo seems WAY different at dinner, like she is totally over Chase. She even says off camera "I love Jordan. I love Robby" but is clearly unsure of Chase. Danica and I are cringing trying to figure out how she's going to break it to him. Is she not going to offer him the fantasy suite card? Is she going to give it to him and then after he accepts will she reject? WAIT... WHAT THE DAMN HELL... SHE GAVE IT TO HIM AND THEY'RE GOING! They creep through the sliding back door of the room which is awkward in and of itself and then, after Chase pours his heart out to JoJo and tells her he loves her she "needs a minute", goes outside, composes herself, then comes back and essentially dumps him. Chase is upset, with good reason. Generally when you tell someone you love them, its not the most ideal time for them to also dump you. Like she did with Luke, JoJo starts to play the victim again and I'm kind of getting tired of the tears. I get it, this whole thing is hard but, it's like she doesn't even think that THEY are hurting too. Come on JoJo, get it together. Chase immediately steals my heart upon his exit, with a BEER IN HAND he gets into his transport and says "is this my fantasy suite". YAS Chase, YAS. 

Rose Ceremony

Jordan and Robby show up for the rose ceremony and it's like The Battle of the Bulge, literally, how tight are these pants?! JoJo begins to to explain to the other guys how she let Chase go and before she even finishes the sentence, Chase walks in and asks to speak with her. DUN DUN DUUUUN. I'm full on expecting a To Be Continued but its not! He explains how he's not asking for a second change but rather making amends and apologizing that his initial reaction was anger. This move, of course, is to save face and keep the window open for potentially being the next Bachelor. 

Jordan and Robby get their roses and now all that's left is one. final. rose.   

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