I'm sure it comes as no surprise that I have become a bit of a Bachelor super fan. It all began when my best friend Danica and I lived together after college down in Belmont Shore. We got hooked on a few shows together, The Bachelor/Bachelorette being one of them. We loved picking our favorite contestants, pausing to discuss all the drama and getting really excited when those pauses gave the perfect still shot of someone in the least flattering way.
Eventually our interest in the show lead to what is now in its third season... our fantasy draft. Thanks to Becca and Jorie over at Bach Fantasy it's SUPER easy. It all started with the controversial Britt/Kaitlyn season of the Bachelorette, where the bachelors themselves chose who they wanted as their Bachelorette. That, along with Nick showing up midway through the season, threw some kinks in our points but it was fun nonetheless.
Since then our league has grown and we now even have players in three different states, spreading across three different time zones!
After seasons of Danica and I saying we should do it (AND the fact that Betches didn't have their recap posted), I am going to attempt to do recaps for every episode this season. Now, don't get me wrong, they won't be in depth or insightful... it will be a culmination of my snap judgments and conversations had with my bestie and the rest of the league. Please excuse the length but as you may or may not know, night one is shit show (in the best way possible).
Let's begin, shall we?
I like how the producers strategically placed all of the non-gimmick contestants in the first few limos so that when the gimmick-ers started rolling in the hate was palpable.
This is when we see the teaser for Jake Pavelka and Bachelor Nation in unison screams "NOOOOOOO" at their TVs.
JoJo of COURSE looks fricken awesome in that flesh colored bodysuit of a dress. It almost makes me want to put down my beer and start doing sit ups... I said ALMOST.
Did douchey Chad just have the best Freudian slip ever televised "Her breast... dress was amazing".
Derek is on my team and his self proclaimed dorkiness is not doing me any favors.
It soon becomes unclear whether its James Taylor or Will with the fortune teller. It is also unclear if he's about to do something cute or creepy. Oh, demanding a kiss? Creepy. Great. Glad we cleared that up. Oh... and JoJo calls him Will... both quandaries have been cleared up.
Jordan just couldn't live with himself if he didn't get that kiss so he goes back for seconds, gets his kiss and America collectively "awwwww"s. Damn, why didn't I draft you Jordan?!
Daniel starts poking belly buttons and his downward spiral continues.
The first impression rose enters and all bachelor buttholes pucker. In the talks of the first impression rose and it's importance someone says "Olivia got the first impression rose... and she got left on an island". Touche.
Daniel has now stripped down to his VERY small underwear and has dove into the pool. He has officially gone full Canadian.
Fast forward to rose ceremony and just when you had forgotten, Jake Pavelka exits the limo. I am literally holding my breath. Jake does not deserve this goddess of a Bachelorette, there must be some sort of mis-understand. And as I'm yelling at JoJo to stop talking to him I realize ABC has pulled a fast one on me, Jake is a "close family friend"? And he's just there to tell her he hopes she finds love? WHAT kind of HORSESHIT is this?! Not cool ABC... NOT COOL.
Rose ceremony commences some of the obvious choices stay, some of the obvious choices go (except Daniel, wtf, he was drunk and essentially naked, but then again, in Bachelor Nation that's like immunity).
Somehow ALL FIVE of my draft picks are still intact. I know that won't last long so I'm enjoying it while it lasts.
The preview for the rest of the season looks awesome as always. You better not be tricking us ABC... this better ACTUALLY be the MOST DRAMATIC SEASON EVER!!!
*All Bachelorette photos property of ABC*