Nine years ago my heart was stolen by a blue eyed boy.
He had freckles, was affectionate and showed me a love I had never known before.
He changed my life forever.
I guess I should also mention he was a chocolate dapple miniature dachshund.
A week ago today, the man that I spent the better part of a decade loving took his last breath. Beamer Dean, Beams, Beamie, or Weasel, as I so affectionately called him, was my sidekick. Wherever I would go, he would go. He was attached to me and I to him. I used to always joke that I needed to get one of those baby wrap carriers because all he ever wanted was to be in my arms.
About a year and a half ago my little man lost his sight. It was hard on us both but it didn't get him down. Shortly after that, he was diagnosed with Cushing's Disease which is an overproduction of cortisol, requiring lifelong testing and medication. Having just gone through the long, hard and ultimately fatal journal of IMHA (Immune-Mediated Hemolytic Anemia) with my other pooch, I was devastated by the news. There really isn't much worse than having a sick pet. They don't know what is going on and can't tell you how they feel. The quality of Beamers life had taken a drastic turn after the Cushings. He continually gained weight and didn't enjoy walks or playing like he used to. I find comfort in knowing that he is free of his ailments and no longer trapped in a body that was essentially shutting down and working against him.
I have so many wonderful memories with this little guy. He was my first pet that was all my own and I really did love him like a child. There is an emptiness in our home that I'm not sure will ever go away, but I remind myself of all of the treasured moments that we shared. Like the first time I ever saw him and he flashed those baby blues at me. Or the first night I brought him home, where he fell asleep in my arms. Or the first (and only haha) time I took him in the pool. Teaching him to "dance" and "speak" and once he learned that doing so got him treats, he'd put on his own little song and dance shows for us! The attention he would get whenever I would take him out... cars would literally stop and pull over to look at him when I took him on walks. He was special... and boy he knew it. And the list goes on and on. That little guy brought me more happiness than I ever could have thought possible. He turned me into a crazy wiener dog lady who is now obsessed with all things wiener dog! There is a hole in my heart that I'm not sure will ever fully mend but loving him was one of the most special things I've ever had the privilege of doing.
My longest relationship.
And my greatest heartbreak.
I consider myself lucky to have been his.
And now, for the last, and final time... "Bye bye Beamie... Mommy loves you"